A-Z Transition: Anger to Amiability

“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

–Buddha

hot coals

“There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.”

 Plato

Here’s an interesting discovery. When you google the word “anger”, it comes up with 44 million websites. The first three of these are Wikipedia, Mind.org and the Mental Health Foundation followed by various NHS (National Health Service) and counselling sites.

We ignore the perils and dangers of this most destructive emotion even though, by holding on to anger, the negative impact on our health and our wellbeing is very evident.

To pretend that anger doesn’t exist is wrong. To ignore it completely and to be permanently devoid of anger is a high aspiration – but is ignoring its existence actually going to help the people who make us angry in the first place? Does our refusal to be angry merely allow them to behave thoughtlessly – to the detriment of us as well as themselves? To push anger aside to the extent that it eats us up is wrong as well. To think that anger is never justified is also wrong.

There are times when we become angry as a defence mechanism – an instinct to protect ourselves. If someone has hurt you to the core of your being or betrayed your trust to the point of the negligent destruction of your relationship, then of course you feel anger. If someone drives dangerously with total disregard to the wellbeing of fellow road users, then anger surfaces very rapidly. Is one form of anger really more acceptable than another?

Dealing with anger

The important issue is what you do with that anger, how you express it and how you temper the anger in order to protect yourself and others. Or indeed how you prevent the anger getting into your mind in the first place.

That’s easier said than done, of course.

So how do we shift our anger into something more positive and acceptable? How do we acknowledge our anger, have time to understand it, accept it, embrace it and then remove it in order to have an amicable conclusion to a sorry situation?

amiability

Training our minds to understand the nature of destructive emotions will help. Meditation will too. A calm mind doesn’t welcome an aggressively emotive interlude. It disturbs and disables. By concentrating on the positives we will eventually learn to negate the effects of destructive emotions.

The first step might be to acknowledge our anger. Those who think they hold no anger might like to think again. Just because they don’t burst at the seams with a fiery temper doesn’t mean that anger doesn’t lie in their quiet demeanour- eating away without any means of expressing it.

We also might need to understand the anger in others as well as ourselves. We might need to be prepared for their wrath, and we should also embrace that all-important virtue of forgiveness.

Maybe then we could learn from our own mistakes. Perhaps we could consider how we could have done things differently. We have to empathise with others – and yet empathy isn’t enough. We ought to act on what we have learned through our empathetic thinking to demonstrate that we truly understand why someone has been angry, and what we can do to prevent such anger rising again.

riding a bike

Just as we learned to drive or ride a bicycle, we ought to try to learn how to respond to the onset of anger. We should keep on going and we keep on learning until there comes a time when situations arise and we learn to temper our anger, or work out an instinctive way of expressing anger that isn’t going to hurt ourselves or others that we care about.

As we said, it’s easier said than done, but at the very least, we might try to change our attitude and our response to anger.

Searching on the internet, we found an amusing little video called “Amicability over anger = Excellent”.

Have a look at it by clicking on this link.

http://shirkingconventions.com/2013/10/07/amicability-anger-brilliant/

If you have created something that you think is beautiful, even if the beauty is in the eye of the beholder (or the creator alone), and someone else takes that from you, then you will probably feel some anger. You have a choice. You can rant and rave, damage the person or their property, or you can quietly and calmly explain why you want your thing of beauty back. Of course, this works most effectively if the “thief” accepts their part – if they acknowledge that they did wrong, even if there were perfectly valid or laudable reasons for doing so.

Reflections

Anger to amiability – easy when you know how!

“Only he who desires is amiable and not he who is satiated.”

Thomas Mann

right action

“Do you have the patience to wait

Till your mud settles and the water is clear?

Can you remain unmoving

Till the right action arises by itself?”

Lao Tzu

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For further reading

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/A/anger/

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/#.UsVsZLQbLkZ

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/controlling-anger.aspx

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger

https://www.vocabulary.com/articles/chooseyourwords/amicable-amiable/

CB

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The Advent of the Year of the Horse: Vice and Virtue

This gallery contains 5 photos.

Firstly, we would like to wish everyone a very Happy New Year. Let’s hope it’s a good one! There’s so much to celebrate in life and all too frequently we choose to dwell on the negatives rather than the positives. Look at how the media reviews any year – it’s a catalogue of doom and […]

Celebrating International Women’s Day

“One is not born a woman, one becomes one”

wap801_p1

Today is International Women’s Day. Whether we should really have a specific day dedicated to women is a matter of opinion. Every day should be a celebration of women just as every day should be a celebration about all that is valued in life. Yet there are many women from the past, and painfully still in the present, whose thoughts have been disregarded, whose imaginations have been dismissed, whose feelings have been belittled. Men might arguably say the same can be said for the male of the species, and they’d be right but they haven’t had to endure the systematic, societal denial of their rights in the same way as women.

Margaret Thatcher famously said that there was no such thing as society. She also said, “I owe nothing to Women’s Lib”.

The fact that she got an education was down to the Women’s Movement. The fact that she got a vote  was because of the determination of the Suffragettes. The fact that she could be a working mother was enabled by women.

Today, everyone – man and woman alike, should think carefully about the role of women: past, present and future. Our world would be sadly diminished without the foresight, encouragement, determination, resilience, empathy, thoughtfulness and lovingkindness of humanity, and women make up their significant percentage of this.

This post is a collection of relatively random quotes about women and by women to celebrate this special day.

Quotes about women

 

“For most of history, Anonymous was a woman” – Virginia Woolf

Virginia Woolf

Virginia Woolf

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“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.” – Joseph Conrad

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“There are no good girls gone wrong – just bad girls found out.” – Mae West

mae-west

Mae West

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“A woman has to live her life, or live to repent for not living it.” – DH Lawrence  from Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

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“A woman is like a tea- bag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt

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“I see when men love women. They give them but a bit of their lives. But women when they love give everything.”
 Oscar Wilde

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“I never realised until lately that women were supposed to be the inferior sex.” – Katharine Hepburn

Katharine Hepburn

Katharine Hepburn

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“I do not wish for them [women] to have power over men, but over themselves.” – Mary Wollstonecraft

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“L’action des femmes n’a jamais été qu’une agitation symbolique; elles n’ont gagné que ce que les hommes ont bien voulu leur concéder; elles n’ont rien pris: elles ont reçu.”

“The action of women has never been a symbolic agitation, they gained only what men have been willing to concede, they have taken nothing: they have recieved.”
Simone de Beauvoir

de-Beauvoir-Simone

Simone de Beauvoir

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“A woman’s guess is much more accurate than a man’s certainty.” – Rudyard Kipling

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Quotes by women

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn but to unlearn.” – Gloria Steinem

Gloria Steinem

Gloria Steinem

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“We are tomorrow’s past.” – Mary Wollstonecraft  Shelley

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“It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends.” – J.K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling

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“One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion.” – Simone de Beauvoir

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“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank

Anne Frank

Anne Frank

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“Establishing lasting peace is the work of education; all politics can do is keep us out of war.” – Maria Montessori

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“No one has a right to consume happiness without producing it.” – Helen Keller

Helen Keller

Helen Keller

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“People tend to forget their duties but remember their rights.” – Indira Gandhi

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“I would like to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free………. so other people would also be free.” – Rosa Parks

Rosa Parks

Rosa Parks

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“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

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And some light amusing quotes from women on being a woman

 international_womens_day_vector

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb and I also know that I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

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“My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.” – Rita Rudnor

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“All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn’t want a boyfriend. I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.” –
Victoria Wood

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“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” – Gloria Steinem

Woman Laughing

Hapus Dydd Gwyl Dewi

© 3Di Associates Photography

St. David                                      © 3Di Associates Photography

 

It’s the beginning of March and I am currently spending some time in Wales. I’ve never been here for St. David’s Day before and I was rather hoping for a mass parade of welsh hats and daffodils. Maybe the mythological dragon could have reared its fiery head, but alas, it’s just a normal day in a quiet seaside town with a slight acknowledgement from the residents that this is a significant day.

What has St. David’s Day got to do with philosophy? Nothing much, other than every day is a day of philosophy. Philosophy isn’t all about what if’s and hypotheticals. Philosophy is about thinking, and it’s also about not thinking. It can be a silent, almost unknowing reflection on what this life of ours is all about.

Being here made me wonder whether there was an array of welsh philosophers. With the ever obliging Wikipedia, I discovered a range of names that I am looking forward to studying further. The first name alphabetically was Richard Ithamar Aaron who wrote two pieces that have caught my eye; “The history and value of the distinction between intellect and intuition” and “The Nature of Knowing”. I look forward to more internet searching to try and find some extracts from these works.

© 3Di Associates Photography

A Lonely Daffodil                                   © 3Di Associates Photography

 

In our opinion there certainly is a distinction between intellect and intuition, and both are extremely valuable to knowing our world and ourselves. The nature of knowing is so important, and particularly prevalent in a time when our Secretary of State is insistent that “knowing” is all as far as educating our next generation.

Yet here is an important distinction that is worth a moment of thought – an act of philosophising. Is knowledge important or is it the nature of the knowledge that is most significant? What is the nature of knowledge? What real understanding does knowledge give us? Isn’t what constitutes knowledge, with all its multi-faceted components, the real nature of knowledge rather than knowledge itself?

Today, as we said is St. David’s Day. What should you or I do with this knowledge? Buy a bunch of daffodils? Phone a Welsh relative? Learn about St. David? It’s what we do with the knowledge that’s important.

Today, many children across the UK as well as in Wales will be learning about St. David. They will be given the knowledge and they will probably be asked to recite or regurgitate it in some way, but what will they ultimately do with that knowledge – store it in their brains for future reference or do something immediately with their knowledge?

Yesterday, I decided that I would find out a little more about St. David too. I’m not sure yet what I am going to do with this knowledge other than post a few related photographs on this blog. What fascinates me more is that my determination to write something about St. David today has led to a journey of philosophy about knowledge instead of my original purpose – of writing about St. David. What I am now more interested in is how this sort of knowledge about St. David might be used by others and not about the actual factual knowledge itself. I’m intrigued as to how knowledge acts as a stimulus to learning and isn’t the end product of learning.

Enjoy the photos and have a think about the nature of knowledge. What is the real value of knowledge, and will the fact that St. David was born about 500 AD and taught across the land really be the most important thing that you or I learn today? Or will the photographs themselves ignite another spark that is completely unrelated to the Welsh Saint?

St. David's Shrine © 3Di Associates Photography

St. David’s Shrine                             © 3Di Associates Photography

 

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Hapus Dydd Gwyl Dewi.

Words by Dylan Thomas

© 3Di Associates Photography

St. David’s Cathedral                   © 3Di Associates Photography

“On the last street wave praised
The unwinding, song by rocks
Of the woven wall
Of his father’s house in the sands”

© 3Di Associates Photography

“Birds and the birds of the winged trees flying my name   
      Above the farms and the white horses
                  And I rose. “
© 3Di Associates Photography

Slate sculpture at St. David’s Museum              © 3Di Associates Photography

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

© 3Di Associates Photography

Alleged birthplace of St. David                      © 3Di Associates Photography

“Shall gods be said to thump the clouds
When clouds are cursed by thunder.”

© 3Di Associates Photography

© 3Di Associates Photography

“Lie still, be calmed, sufferer with the wound.” 

© 3Di Associates Photography

© 3Di Associates Photography

Once below a time,
When my pinned-around-the-spirit
Cut-to-measure flesh bit,
Suit for a serial sum
On the first of each hardship,

© 3Di Associates Photography

© 3Di Associates Photography

“There round about your stones the shades
Of children go who, from their voids,
Cry to the dolphined sea.”

 

© 3Di Associates Photography

© 3Di Associates Photography

“Light breaks where no sun shines;
Where no sea runs, the waters of the heart
Push in their tides.”

 

© 3Di Associates Photography

© 3Di Associates Photography

“In the sun that is young once only,
Time let me play and be
Golden in the mercy of his means.”

 

Inside St. David's

© 3Di Associates Photography

“They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.”

 

© 3Di Associates Photography

© 3Di Associates Photography

“In the final direction of the elementary town I advance as long as forever is.”


 

© 3Di Associates Photography

© 3Di Associates Photography

Light breaks where no sun shines;
Where no sea runs, the waters of the heart
Push in their tides.”

© 3Di Associates Photography

© 3Di Associates Photography

 

Here In This spring

Here in this spring, stars float along the void;
Here in this ornamental winter
Down pelts the naked weather;
This summer buries a spring bird.

Symbols are selected from the years’
Slow rounding of four seasons’ coasts,
In autumn teach three seasons’ fires
And four birds’ notes.

I should tell summer from the trees, the worms
Tell, if at all, the winter’s storms
Or the funeral of the sun;
I should learn spring by the cuckooing,
And the slug should teach me destruction.

A worm tells summer better than the clock,
The slug’s a living calendar of days;
What shall it tell me if a timeless insect
Says the world wears away?

Dylan Thomas

Seasonal Values – For Every Season: Joyfulness, 23nd December

This gallery contains 4 photos.

23. Joyfulness “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” Buddha “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” E.E. Cummings “If we can just let go and trust that things will work out they way they’re […]

Seasonal Values – For Every Season: Empathy, 22nd December

This gallery contains 3 photos.

22. Empathy “When you start to develop your powers of empathy and imagination, the whole world opens up to you.” Susan Sarandon “When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather […]

Seasonal Values – For Every Season: Reflection, 21st December

This gallery contains 3 photos.

21. Reflection ”All truly great thoughts are conceived through walking.” Friedrich Nietzsche …………………………… “It takes a certain ingenuous faith – but I have it – to believe that people who read and reflect more likely than not come to judge things with liberality and truth.”  A. C. Grayling  ………………………….. “By three methods we may learn […]